经典老笑话6者-2017年10月

刘大爷今年96岁,看上去依然很健康,有人向他请教长寿心得,刘大爷声音洪亮地说道:长寿的诀窍就三点,不好色、不生气、不喝酒、不识数。

每次过年亲戚朋友都会问我:“找对象没有啊?” 为了转移痛苦,我都会很机智的找到他家小孩,然后亲切地问:“期末考试考多少啊?”
可这次小孩回答我:“叔叔,我女朋友考第一,我考第二。对了,叔叔你有女朋友吗?” 我了个去。。。

进路边一小店吃饭。看到旁边桌有人吃面条,“吸溜吸溜”吃得贼香,于是我也点了一碗。面上来,我一尝,这也太TM难吃了。
我问那人:哥们,这么难吃的面,你也吃的下去?那人斜眼瞅了瞅我,冲着厨房喊到:老婆,又有人说你做的面条难吃了。。。

大学刚毕业来这家公司面试的时候,老板语重心长的对我说:“虽然薪水不多,但是你可以在这里获得快速的成长,这对年轻人来说是最重要的。”
现在,两年过去了,老板没有骗我,我看起来已经像是40岁的人了。

我是一名小护士,和患者发生了关系,我的心里非常愧疚。脑袋里一直有两个小人在争吵着。A说:“没事的,和患者发生关系的不止你一个护士,不要愧疚。”可是B又说:“你是个兽医,你是个兽医!”

愚公临死前把儿子叫到床前,用尽最后的力气说:“移山,移山”
愚公儿子疑惑的答道:“亮晶晶?”
愚公黜。。。

继续阅读“经典老笑话6者-2017年10月”

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其五

81、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
口腔体温计和肛门体温计有啥不同?尝尝看就知道了

82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我死盯着它几个小时了!

83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题,SB管理才是问题

84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人总是能击中男人的要害。

85、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿,你是打哪儿指哪儿。

86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
上帝是爱你的,只是其他人都觉得你2B而已

87、I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者,现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断,现在我不大确信是否还是如此。

88、I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。

89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
直译:如果你始终脚踏实地,那就别想穿裤子了。
意译:人太老实没法活。

90、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人说他能通灵,有些人说他有阴阳眼,其他人只是不像他们这样爱做白日梦 继续阅读“看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其五”

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其四

61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
心理医师:你神经病!!! 我:能说点别的吗?
心理医师:好!!你还特丑!!!

62、 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
一单纯傻儿子问他爹:“爸,结婚到底要花多少钱啊?”他爸说:“儿啊,我真不知道…没看见我还在交钱吗?”

63、 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
有人说“打不过,就合作”。我说“打不过,也要打”。因为他们也以为你会加入,给丫的来点惊喜~!

64、When in doubt, mumble.
搞不清情况的时候,你可以回复“呵呵”

65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
我决定要长生不老,目前为止,一起顺利。

66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were
好客就是:让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样,尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。

67、If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
跳伞是这样一种运动:不成功则成仁!

68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
电视侮辱你的智商,电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在!

69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
知识就是力量,力量让人堕落。那么就好好学习当大魔王吧!

70、Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
钱买不来幸福,但有了它,痛苦的日子会好熬一点。 继续阅读“看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其四”

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其三

41、 God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他怎么会造这么多!!!!!!!

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的胫骨能帮你在黑屋子里快速找到家具的位置。
意译:不撞不知道,一撞嗷嗷叫。

43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!

44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者侯。

45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人一来大家就开心;有些人一走大家就开心。

46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。

47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。

48、I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什么忙?!

50、Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。 继续阅读“看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其三”

10道最难的24点题目,一般人最多会3道

扑克牌算24点这游戏,我们都是从小就开始玩了。很多人都自认是此中高手,也各自有(3,8),(4,6)等熟悉的套路。不过算24点中还是有那么几道不易找出答案的难题,想要答出来可不那么容易。

下面就是10道传奇级别的24点题目

  • 2,2,2,9
  • 2,7,8,9
  • 1,2,7,7
  • 4,4,10,10
  • 6,9,9,10
  • 1,5,5,5
  • 2,5,5,10
  • 1,4,5,6
  • 3,3,7,7
  • 3,3,8,8

下面是这十道最难24点题目答案:

 

继续阅读“10道最难的24点题目,一般人最多会3道”

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其二

21、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…

22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?

23、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。

24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!

25、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别~

26、I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。

27、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科

28、If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。

30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散! 继续阅读“看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其二”