看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其五

81、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
口腔体温计和肛门体温计有啥不同?尝尝看就知道了

82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我死盯着它几个小时了!

83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题,SB管理才是问题

84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人总是能击中男人的要害。

85、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿,你是打哪儿指哪儿。

86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
上帝是爱你的,只是其他人都觉得你2B而已

87、I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者,现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断,现在我不大确信是否还是如此。

88、I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。

89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
直译:如果你始终脚踏实地,那就别想穿裤子了。
意译:人太老实没法活。

90、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人说他能通灵,有些人说他有阴阳眼,其他人只是不像他们这样爱做白日梦

91、 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
好吧,既然这艘船要沉了,救生衣又只有一件,我就勉为其难的虚伪一下,你对我来说实在是不能再好的朋友了…我一定会经常想念你滴~!!!

92、Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
站在车库的你并不会变成一辆车是吧?所以站在教堂的你也不会变成基督徒。

93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
世界总是在变,但我却怎么也便不出来。
意译:人生何处不杯具,唯有面对饮水机。

94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
假设我们会吃一堑,长一智,为什么总有人生了一个还会生?

95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
公车总在被追赶的时候的速度要比你在里面时的速度快两倍。
一旦你在公车后面追,它的速度就会变得比你在里面所感觉得快。

96、Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
发明“鼠动无声”这词儿的哥们一定没踩上过一只。

97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
过了河也别拆桥,没准你还要回来呢。

98、Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
别抱怨了,这个世界要是真和谐了,我们这种人就不应该存在~
意译:你们TMD给我记住:没有和谐社会,你们早让美帝国主义给糟蹋了!

99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
以暴治暴,不如以抱治爆。

100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
记着,如果你在嘿咻后还有力气抽烟,那说明你整得太快了。

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